Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Summer of Bliss 1996 III

Summer of Love part trois
August 1996
So we tried to enter into Canada and were denied because we said we were street performers so we made a U-turn and drove to a different entry point, put a package of maxi pads in the front window and said we were on vacation -we got right in. Couldn't afford the ferry to Victoria and Vancouver was pretty and clean but dry as a dead leaf...more concerned with buying a blouse than listening to free music-invisible! Trekked to Calgary and made it on fumes.Played downtown to a lukewarm reception. Drove to Bamf (excuse me) and found out you had to pay a fee to enter the town(National Park)...we just sped up and drove in. Played on the streets to a fantastic reception before we were shut down for no permit.Made a group of friends- one Indian, a Canadian ranger, a black Canadian and 2 American troubadours...we talked under the full moon at a picnic table by the lake. "What will become of this world? What do people want? be happy with themselves" On to Regina (ha ha)the place to play...on to Winnepeg- where they say they eat their young- played a festival and busked at an inside market. Played the Fat Angel Blues Bar where I got stupid drunk, performed horribly and swore I'd be a troubadour no more. Also where we met Dwayne "don't just think about it" Duecke Duecke Duecke (who wrote the song that we sing "Are You Leaving?") He introduced us to Frasier, radio personality and wild witchwoman.We stayed with them for a week and fell under their spell. Left for Ottawa- Ottawa is FUN! Looked for Bob.Played the open air market and did well. Met mystical older woman teacher.Decided Montreal would be our last stop. got lost and woke up in a multi-million dollar subdivision.Made coffee next to car in front of a fancy house.Owner came out and we thought we were busted, started conversation, ended up played their daughters 3rd Birthday party, made $300 bucks and slept inside their house that night;] couldn't play streets of Montreal because it rained constantly,slept in a cul de sac .man came out to the car yelling at us in French holding a shot gun telling us to leave, he came back out because he felt bad, fed us breakfast and we played music with all afternoon.We followed our Bliss and the Divine Destiny that blazed our trail and headed home to N'awlins to start a whole new adventure.

Summer of Bliss 1996 II

Summer of Bliss- part deux
July 1996
Left Park City,Utah and drove all the way to Sunnyvale,California to visit friends Jeanne and Howard. Rested for a few days then took the train into San Francisco. Tried busking downtown, Fisherman's(permit), Castro-Disastro,Mission-no dice...should have tried Haight-Ashbury. Went to Santa Cruz instead.WOW! Wonderful exchange with people.invited to do a 2 hour radio show. Head up the coast to Cresent City,CA. We renegade camp on a cliff over-looking the ocean...breathtaking.Renee leaves her body and I leave my mind. Next stop, Eugene,OR, go to the Redwood completely mesmerizing! In Eugene, no camping but the ranger invites us to camp in their front yard which happens to be next door to a dairy farm..uugggg! Can't sleep because of stink.Put eucalyptus up my nose.It doesn't work.Don't play too small but have a fun time and run into friend from Chicago.On to Seattle.Play Fremont market.Meet Camel photographers party at Cosmos.Tell us the story of "Amy Van Idden...where are you hiding?" Played the hill, downtown and the market but no permit so no play.Saw Sizzlin Sue Corcoran, the filmmaker, and she took picture for our first CD. Left for Canada! Rejected. We were honest and said that we were coming to street perform and they said,"You're not coming into our country and begging for $$ from our people!" U-turned and tried another point of entry.
to be continued...

Summer of Bliss 1996 I

busking 27,000 miles across the US & Canada(cliffnotes)
May 24 1996 at 25
First summer on the road and we troubadoured 27,000 across America and Canada in a Mazda 626. We left New Orleans and headed to Bloomington for my sister,Cami's, Birthday then to Louisville for a couple of weeks where we played Twice Told and The Rud. Then we went to Chicago for 5 days . We busked on the Miracle Mile where we were tipped a Cowabudza & $100 in a High Times magazine from a mysterious man carrying a saxophone. Subway- DUDway.Spent time with old friends, Astra, Jen, John, Kitty Kat,Ric then headed for the National Rainbow Gathering in southern Missouri. Make it there where close to 20,000 people are gathered in the forest.Run into Monk the Drunk from New Orleans. He was in the gravel parking lot of the forest in a stretch limo with neon lights, pulling forward and back 20 feet drinking moonshine and rumplemintz. We play and have an incredible experience! Leave a week later with hope for humanity.Head for Boulder,Colorado. Make friends with Double Dig musician commune-Jaime,Maya,Stacy and are invited to camp there while in town.Go to "hippie church" in the park with Rev.Friendly,play on Pearl Street...fantastic!!! Meet musician goddess Libby Kirkpatrick.Meet Gordon who was spun for 25 years by a skinhead who slipped him 500 hits of acid. Meet Exadour who changed his name based on a character from the TV show "Mork & Mindy", an old rebel who sells rolling papers. Judy, our Mazda, breaks down and we have to make $1200 to fix her.Hitchhike into town and play for two weeks.Write "stuck between Boulder and a Hard place" and finally leave for Aspen. Judy breaks down in the hills and is towed back to Boulder.3 days later back on the road to Aspen.Beautiful camping- dead town-rich and stingy.Go to Salt Lake City Utah and play across from the Mormon Temple...not such a good idea...nobody listened and we almost got arrested.Found out about a festival outside of town in Park City. Set up at festival-did well-then booted off for no permit.Played a restaurant for $75. Met up with a Rugby Team in the park and they offered $200 for us to play-RUGBY ROCKS! California here we come! to be continued...

the Seed of a Dream "Journey"6

the seed of a dream "Journey"6
New Orleans April 8, 1996
I can't believe how Destiny always just waiting for you to ask her to dance. I can't believe this dream unfolding. Dancing on nothing and having a ball! Playing on the street is an amazingly transformative experience...for try out these new wings and this voice that longs to be a vessel...for the people we encounter who are ready to share themselves, their secrets, their hopes and secret dreams. People are on vacation and in an altered reality and there is no barrier on the street between us and them so we have incredibly meaningful, intimate encounters with glorious people from all over world. I am so thankful for this journey.
May 1996 at 25
Someone tipped us their Alcoholics Anonymous 20 year anniversary Coin tonight...incredible.
A woman approached us on the corner on the full moon.The soothsayer prophesied as the smoke curled around her eyes- a galaxy within her mind.She had a moustache and was missing several teeth and if it weren't for her birdsnest chest- you might mistake her for a man. Her laughter told of hardship, hunger for life and too many cigarettes.I trusted her completely and believed that she was, indeed, a modern day sage able to leap chasms of Time.Perhaps, it was her skin, wrinkled deep and ancient like a tree, that convinced me she had mystical connections.I opened myself- I didn't want to be caught hiding-and let her see into my life- every shame, triumph, sin, abuse and miracle. When she smiled, I knew that she had accepted my unveiling.
May 17th, 1996
Singing songs on a New Orleans street while a distracting madman claps his hand off beat
Smoking with 3 French boys in the rain, exchanging stories and rings
Listening to Tori Amos as we drive out of town, thinking of Seven and hoping she's got her guitar by now
If I die a dog, will I come back as a bone?

Wild beasts of spontaneity "Journey"5

Wild Beasts of Spontaneity from "Journey"
April 3,1996 at 25
No Songs today, not even music, just quiet peace...I don't have to move or speak but just be...right best present you can present to yourself is giving yourself The Present. My Muse is louder now than the demons and ghosts. And I find I have plenty to say in my own time, in my own particular way.SSSsshhh,sweet girl, lead with the love in your heart.Sweet girl, continue to believe in your dreams then give them a life of their own.
Garden of Lost Dreams
"I'm in love with everything," he echoed, looking up from the well of himself."I finally see- it's all magic. And the magic is growing, spreading into every aspect of my life. I can't describe it or name it, but I can see clearer into the heart of my Soul. I searched the frontier of my Self and discovered a forgotten land where nothing grew until it was introduced to Light...then it flourished.
He was a kind-eyed writer and my favorite regular at the Wishbone. He asked for another diabolical dollup of gravy for his mashed potatoes then peered into me and said,
"The wild beasts of spontaneity are clawing to free themselves from your caged soul."
And that was the last day I waited on a table or worked a regular job again.

Taking the Leap '95 "Journey" 4

Taking the leap 1995
June 1995
Such a little girl- really-unprotected and compulsively voracious in her conceitful deceit.
Slipping in and out of realities and personalities,
missing target after target when-BOOM-
all of the sudden,,,a shining moment of revelation
of resuscitation. Why so slippery this truth?
June 1995
I am working as a temp in an office. Silent noise. Put me in an office and I feel like a clown with red nose and big shoes. It just seems so ridiculous to me- the business world. Stern. Anal. Uptight.All the things I'm not. Putting yourself in diverse and multi-dimensional realities allows you to see yourself in MANY ways. It's exploration and different shades of your soul. When I let go of judgement, the world becomes much less hostile.
July 1995
I met Cup'n coin, a wandering gypsy street performer and realize what I want to do for the rest of my life. CARPE DIEM! Seize the Day!
December 1995
Needing to clear the mental brush from my mind, I find that I'm full of feelings left without healing, dreams that are just out of reach. My body is weak and my soul is meek but my heart is racing.
Here in New Orleans. Self the same but different somehow. To be alone with myself is still many things that I have not accepted and don't understand- the dialogue is staccato and progress is demand, dreams are dreamy. Lift the Light from the dawn of Siren's Night. Distill the buzz of passion's potent gulp and make your own universal yelp out of the Unknown. Dance awhile amid the heap of yesterdays regret, fingers full of atonement of the lesser god's losing bet. I'm not sure how to say what I feel. I don't know how to claim what is mine but, I'll take my suitcase full of hope and dreams out under a streetlamp in New Orleans.

The match has been lit '95 "Journey" 3

The match has been lit Summer '95
May 1995 24 yrs
I define my lines before you and shed my wetted burden of fear. I arch my back in protest in reverie of desire because naked freedom is stunning. I never before deserved you and I never before deserved my Life because I didn't embrace it. A sad thing- the fear of God.
But I will burn myself from the inside- out. The match has been lit.
June 1995
My head has been lowered far too long and I, with all myself, refuse to be fearly ashamed of my Life. My silent prayer will always be echoing through my mind, unbridled and unabashed love and living. No constraints on fulfillment. No shields. No barriers. No walls.
A wise man once said to me, "You gotta play all your cards- every last one of them." The guy who dies having played all his cards wins the game. If not- who knows- maybe you gotta come back to finish your hand. I wanna play every fuckin card I've got.

Ragamuffin angel "Journey" 2

Ragamuffin angel Journey 2
March 13,1995 24 yrs
The first fly of spring bounces on my knee while I sit on the backporch of our apartment in Chicago trying to find my place in this world.
Waiting tables, waiting in the wings, waiting to unveil my self. I was forced deep inside, now I'm reaching into that dark place to retrieve me from the buried core. I don't have to be afraid to be vulnerable anymore. I can walk confidently in loong, smooth lines with so fresh life! All I know is that your life grows longer when you slow it down and realize that there are more moments than you thought...
I, in my ragamuffin hat and smudged nose, turn my sparkles upwards to stare at the gods...And that ball of fire, light years away, comes all the way to kiss my forehead and touch my cheek-How lucky am I!
March 16, 1995
O Great Spirit, Creator, Mother Earth, Father Sky, Angels lead me, help me. I am open, I'm willing. I offer humility and surrender. I fill myself with Light. I will reconstruct the Temple from the dust. I will build my house on the Rock of resurrection. This is a call upward.
Be as bold as the Wind- sweeping itself against everything
Be as wise as the Trees who stand silently firm in the fulfillment of themselves
Shed your skin as a snake does when it's flesh has become dull and unreceptive
Ride with the wave of change trusting that it's force is carrying you closer to your Truth

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Lost in the Emerald City 1st Entry 3/8/95
"Journey of a Soul seeking the Divine"
March 8th, 1995 24 years old
I am writing my first pages and it doesn't feel very safe. I have a bitter 24 hour censor living in me that I would very much like to demolish. I'm already scrutinizing what I'm writing. I feel terribly insecure about everything lately. Am I going forwards or backwards? Thank God the sun's light is brilliant and clear today. I can't seem to hold on to anything. I am loaded with self-consciousness. I feel like a vacuum. My self worth and self-confidence is too fragile. I need to build up my base-what do I consist of? I am constantly reminding myself what I am not. I need to free myself to play...expose my creative nature. What do I consist of?
I am whatever I allow myself to slip into- but what is the core? My censor is louder than my muse. There is a battle inside and I am determined that my magical true friend will win.
I am a complete mystery to myself.
I have looked so far outside of myself that the only place left to look is within.
March 9,1995
I need to call a truce.
I need to make friends with my censor and turn up the volume on my true Voice...forgotten like a child's favorite toy. I am reconstructing my Life.
I am teaching myself how to think, how to learn, how to eat, how to love, how to let go, how to pray, how to live fully. I am addicted to experience...wild,eccentric,mysterious,moody,scattered
funny,nice,flighty,bold,flirtatous,curious...I am a patchwork girl with a cheshire grin...
so young and tender was I as a child
shut down my world, withdrew my smile
I believe in my unique Destiny. I believe in my inner Light. I believe in my Voice. I will be open. I am free. I AM opened. I will look at myself with loving, compassionate eyes. I am Christ. You are Christ. I can only see you as Christ when I see myself as Christ

"Journey of a Soul seeking the Divine

Journey of a Soul seeking the Divine
Hi, Aim Me, here.
I was reading through my journals beginning the fall of 1995 and it became so clear what an extraordinary transformation I have been seeking...going from lost girl...finding Spirit...then becoming a Troubadour of Divine Bliss.
Of course, the journey never ends and I will always be seeking my purest Self . This is just an example of one Soul's journey back to herself and finding her Spirit along the way.
These entries are in mostly in chronological order starting in the fall of 1995 while living in Chicago, just discovering my voice, my dreams,my Spirit.
These are the musings of a lost girl on her way back hOMe. I am just posting them for anyone who finds comfort, direction or inspiration in them.
May you keep your eyes on the clearest gods and walk courageously in the direction of your dreams,
Aim Me