Ragamuffin angel Journey 2
March 13,1995 24 yrs
The first fly of spring bounces on my knee while I sit on the backporch of our apartment in Chicago trying to find my place in this world.
Waiting tables, waiting in the wings, waiting to unveil my self. I was forced deep inside, now I'm reaching into that dark place to retrieve me from the buried core. I don't have to be afraid to be vulnerable anymore. I can walk confidently in loong, smooth lines with so fresh life! All I know is that your life grows longer when you slow it down and realize that there are more moments than you thought...
I, in my ragamuffin hat and smudged nose, turn my sparkles upwards to stare at the gods...And that ball of fire, light years away, comes all the way to kiss my forehead and touch my cheek-How lucky am I!
March 16, 1995
O Great Spirit, Creator, Mother Earth, Father Sky, Angels lead me, help me. I am open, I'm willing. I offer humility and surrender. I fill myself with Light. I will reconstruct the Temple from the dust. I will build my house on the Rock of resurrection. This is a call upward.
Be as bold as the Wind- sweeping itself against everything
Be as wise as the Trees who stand silently firm in the fulfillment of themselves
Shed your skin as a snake does when it's flesh has become dull and unreceptive
Ride with the wave of change trusting that it's force is carrying you closer to your Truth
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Lost in the Emerald City 1st Entry 3/8/95
"Journey of a Soul seeking the Divine"
March 8th, 1995 24 years old
I am writing my first pages and it doesn't feel very safe. I have a bitter 24 hour censor living in me that I would very much like to demolish. I'm already scrutinizing what I'm writing. I feel terribly insecure about everything lately. Am I going forwards or backwards? Thank God the sun's light is brilliant and clear today. I can't seem to hold on to anything. I am loaded with self-consciousness. I feel like a vacuum. My self worth and self-confidence is too fragile. I need to build up my base-what do I consist of? I am constantly reminding myself what I am not. I need to free myself to play...expose my creative nature. What do I consist of?
I am whatever I allow myself to slip into- but what is the core? My censor is louder than my muse. There is a battle inside and I am determined that my magical true friend will win.
I am a complete mystery to myself.
I have looked so far outside of myself that the only place left to look is within.
I need to call a truce.
I need to make friends with my censor and turn up the volume on my true Voice...forgotten like a child's favorite toy. I am reconstructing my Life.
I am teaching myself how to think, how to learn, how to eat, how to love, how to let go, how to pray, how to live fully. I am addicted to experience...wild,eccentric,mysterious,moody,scattered
funny,nice,flighty,bold,flirtatous,curious...I am a patchwork girl with a cheshire grin...
so young and tender was I as a child
shut down my world, withdrew my smile
I believe in my unique Destiny. I believe in my inner Light. I believe in my Voice. I will be open. I am free. I AM opened. I will look at myself with loving, compassionate eyes. I am Christ. You are Christ. I can only see you as Christ when I see myself as Christ